Who is looking at you?

You coach others; you look at them and you see them. As a coach in your practice, or as a leader in your team. You notice the hesitation, the sentence that comes a little too fast, the moment someone touches something important.

But who is looking at you?

Growing alone

Most coaches and leaders I speak to grow on their own. A coach training or leadership course, a few sessions, and then onwards. With the best intentions, and with the same blind spots.

That is not a lack of will. It is the nature of the work. In a conversation you are with the other person. You look outwards, not inwards. What you do while you listen, ask, steer or let go stays largely out of sight.

Growth needs a place where you are seen while you work. Not judged. Seen.

Seen, not judged

Feedback from one mentor is valuable. A group sees more. Six people looking closely at your case see six different things. One hears what you did not ask. Another notices how your breathing changes when it gets tense. A third recognises their own pattern in yours.

That only works in a safe setting. That is why I keep the groups small and fixed: a maximum of six people, for ten months. What is discussed in the group stays in the group.

Coaches and leaders at one table

In my LCS groups, coaches and leaders sit side by side. On purpose.

The coach brings the question: what is actually happening here? The leader brings reality: this has to work on Monday. Together they sharpen each other. The coach becomes more concrete, the leader learns to slow down.

That is cross-pollination. And that is exactly where something grows that you won’t find on your own.

More grounded in who you already are

The aim is not for you to become someone else. The aim is for you to become more grounded in who you already are. As a coach and as a leader. To recognise your own patterns, also under pressure, and to choose from a calmer place what the conversation needs.

That is why I developed LCS: Leadership & Coaching Supervision, a supervision and leadership programme for coaches and leaders alike, built around the ICF Core Competencies.

So: who is looking at you? And where do you find that place?

— Maaike Strack van Schijndel

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