In almost every PCC review I see the same pattern. And I see it just as often in leaders.
Someone is good. Engaged, sharp, warm. And yet they take over the conversation the moment the other person falls silent. The coach fills in for the client. The leader hands the team member the answer.
Not technique, but presence
That is not a technique problem. Everyone knows silences should be allowed. It is a matter of presence: can you let the silence be, without filling it?
The work happens in the silence. Whoever fills it takes the work over.
Silence often feels like an empty moment, like something going wrong. But for the other person it is often the moment something falls into place. The question lands. An answer appears that wasn’t there before. Fill in at that moment, and you take the answer away from them.
The body knows first
Your body knows before your head does that the other person is touching something important. Your client, or your team member.
A shoulder that drops. A breath that catches. In you, not in them. Often that is exactly the moment you feel the urge to say something, to help, to fix.
Those who learn to notice this coach and lead differently. Less from wanting to help or fix, more from what is really happening. That is why the systemic and the somatic come together in my work: looking not only at what is said, but also at what happens in the room and in yourself.
You don’t learn this from a book
You can read about silence and about your nervous system. But letting the silence be, precisely when it gets tense, is something you learn by practising. With people who can see it. Who tell you what happened the moment you took over, and what happened when, for once, you didn’t.
That is exactly what LCS is for: the supervision and leadership programme for coaches and leaders. Ten months, in a fixed group of a maximum of six, working with real conversations from your own practice.
Where do you fill the silence? And what would happen if, for once, you let it be?
— Maaike Strack van Schijndel
The LCS 2027 cohort starts on Thursday 21 January. Registration is open.