My clients know it from me: when something surfaces in a conversation that the other person hasn’t quite seen themselves yet — you’ll hear me say: ‘Interesting!’
When I say ‘Interesting!’, it is not a confirmation of what the coachee has said. It is a signal — to myself as well — that there is something worth pausing on. Something I don’t yet understand. Something the coachee may not fully understand either.
It is an invitation to look further. Not toward an answer, but toward what lies behind the question. And what lies beneath the surface is always more interesting than what gets said first.
That attitude — genuine curiosity about the other person — is what makes coaching coaching. And it is also precisely what is hardest to sustain.
The difference between being curious and seeming curious
There is a difference between asking questions and genuinely wanting to know. Many coaches have mastered the form: they ask open questions, they nod, they paraphrase. But underneath, a sense of direction has already formed. An idea about what the other person ‘should really’ do. A wish for the conversation to go a certain way.
That is not curiosity. That is guided exploration with a map you already have in your head.
Real curiosity means: you don’t know where you’ll end up. You have no preferred outcome. You are not steering toward an insight — you are discovering alongside the other person.
Curiosity begins where your opinion ends.
The temptation to fix
The reflex to help is deeply human. You see someone stuck. You see the solution. You want to say it.
And sometimes — as a trainer, as an expert — that is exactly what you should do. But as a leader or coach, it is the most undermining impulse you can have.
Because the moment you fill in the solution, you take over the thinking. And with it, the ownership.
A good leader/coach solves nothing. A good coach makes it possible for the other person to solve it themselves.
That requires something uncomfortable: sitting still while you know the answer. And trusting that the other person can find it too — by staying curious, asking good questions. Perhaps by a different route, perhaps more slowly, but more lastingly and therefore more effectively.
Not being attached to an outcome
This is the heart of it. And it is harder than it sounds.
It means not entering a conversation with an agenda for the other person. No ‘I hope he decides to leave that job.’ No ‘she just needs to set her boundary.’ No ‘if only he could see this.’
The question I ask myself: am I curious about what the coachee wants, or about what I think is good for them? Those two are not the same.
‘Interesting!’ is not a technique. It is an invitation to look further together.
What this asks of you as a coach
Genuine curiosity is not a given; ‘knowing’ has been praised and rewarded since childhood… It is something you have to practise — and protect. Because it wears down. Especially when you conduct many conversations, when you start recognising patterns, when you think you know how things are.
Then it is tempting to move faster. To ask the obvious question. To draw the conclusion before the other person has finished speaking.
You keep curiosity alive by continuing to be surprised. By treating every coachee as someone you don’t yet know — even if you’ve been working with them for a long time. By asking yourself: what do I not yet know here?
In LCS, this is exactly what we explore together. When do you lose your curiosity? What triggers the urge to fix or steer? And how do you find that open attitude again — in the moment itself?
— Maaike Strack van Schijndel
Interesting? Curious about Leadership & Coaching Supervision (LCS)?